Drugs and schools. A marriage made in heaven.

I was left wide-eyed in wonderment last night watching the TV news to first see some Greasy Government Suit moaning on that he'd lost all confidence in the nation's principal scientific advisor on drugs.

Yes.

He felt he could no longer trust the scientist to kiss his arse on his view that All Drugs Are Bad. So he sacked him.

Strange? I thought so.

But then the next item was an even Greasier Government Suit moaning on that he'd lost all confidence in the nation's parents.

Yes.

Because they LIE and CHEAT to get their children into a half-decent primary school.

And now he was going to fix it that anyone caught LYING and CHEATING again would have their collar felt and could well spend time at Her Majesty's Pleasure if they dared defy him.

And they ran some VT of a REALLY BIG room in Hackney Council stuffed to the rafters with spotty-faced, smirking snoopers, all paid from the public purse, whose sole job it is is to track down criminal parents hoping to get an education for their kids.

And instead of being embarrassed by this to the point of suiciding, the Greasier Suit was instead puffed up with pride at how fooking NAILS it made him look.

It had obviously never occurred to him, not for even a second, to consider why parents might LIE and CHEAT to this end.

Never occurred to him that instead of employing a thousand gobshites to pry and poke into the backgrounds of families, it might be a better idea to actually put a few bob into improving primary schools and thus - in a single bound - end the need for all the LYING and CHEATING which has so disgusted him.

And it also never occurred to this Suit-full-of-bugger-all that the nation's parents had by now lost all confidence in HIM.

Which, when you think about it, is really the point.

It was a tableau of pure Kafka and will stay with me for a long, long time.

Or at least until next May.