Red Leader: Enemy activity has been slight

Huzzah!
I can get back on blog from weerk.
There's no stopping me now...
Er. Um. Oh.
Bugger.
Got nothing to say.
Inclement weather for the time of year, don't you think?

Restless night, asthma, cat wanting to go out at 4am, bad dreams about letters.
Dragged myself out of warm, comfy bed at 7am, made tea, lit fag, coughed.

Coughed, spluttered, gagged and gasped.(repeat)

Looked in mirror. Reeled from shock. Immediately shut my eyes tight for fear I would bleed to death.

Struggled through getting kids off to school. Showered, shaved, leaving the beginnings of a modish goatee, drove to work.

Met long-lost friend in reception. Chatted. Envied his emigration to America. Felt misery at wasting life.

Worked, phoned, emailed, read letters, worked. Lunched. *waved pom-poms with enthusiasm*

Returned to work. Worked, re-read letters of nightmare. *waved pom-poms with marked drop in enthusiasm*

5.15pm. Called it a day. Drove home, saw motorbike accident, rider not hurt.

Entered chez redleader. Overwhelmed with unconditional love, kisses, hugs and cries of glee. Had faced licked almost off. Eventually managed to quell dog.

Located wife and kids.

Had wine. Lit ciggy. Logged on.

Ran out of wine. Bought more.

Drank and reflected on the business of the day while blowing languid smoke-rings.

Fascinating, ain't I?

That's it for now, reality fans.

x

Got up quite early for me, about 6.45am.

Showered, blow-dried subversively over-the-collar length hair, made tea

Got dressed, distributed tea to family, had a few tabs and drove to work.

Opened up office, did some work, dived out, bought sickly American-style coffee confection and more fags, came back to office, did more work.

Worked and worked and worked. Became v tired due to excessive working.

LATER: Heard Broon's last speech as PM in the background. Then did more work.

Finished work, drove off, went to pub on own for a quick glass, drove to supermarket, bought wine, went home.

Drank wine, then a bit more. Opened more wine, drank, smoked, ashed, stubbed, drank, lit-up, drank, smoked, drank.

Patted dog on head.

Logged on.

And so to bed.

Might write up more from my amazing schedule later.

Toodles, blog fans.

x

HURRAH!

Having you oiks bail me out of bankruptcy has made me laugh harder and longer than since I don't know when.

Oh yes, I remember, the last time I guffawed so loudly was when Broon deregulated the City and left it up to us lot to make sure nothing went wrong.

Well, I mean. Honestly!

Using your tax money to smooth over the odd multi-billion pound risky punt made by me and my chums saw us all back down the club on Friday quaffing champers like nothing bad had ever happened.

I know you'll probably bleat that your pathetic mortgage payments will have to increase by a few hundred a year because of it all.

But, you know what? Couldn't give a fuck!

Harhar!

Trebles all round, Tarquin.

Cheers, you turkeys.

*throws head back and brays like a drugged-up donkey*

Sorry about that! I was drunk, tired and emotional and a tad frustrated. The usual state.

Anyway, I'm going to make a fresh start and use my blog as a journal, an online digital record, if you will, of my life.

No more drunken rants, no more howling at the moon, no more slagging off Broon and everyone, who are probably only trying to do their best.

So, it's 8 o'clock on a Saturday morning and I'm only slightly hungover, which is nice.
I think I'll shower, make some tea and toast, have a tidy round then take the dog for a long walk on the beach.

Later, I intend to do some shopping and will probably read a paper and watch a bit of telly.

I may visit my elderly mother and have a cup of tea and a chat.

This evening I might buy a few cold beers, order a curry and watch a film on Sky.

See you later, blog fans.
x

I was going to write something, I had the muse.

I don't do this very often any more.

I was up for it tonight, though.

So I logged in and was plunged into the usual - yet unexpected - corporate terms and conditions and rules and sub-clauses and threats and if-you-agree click here, then click there and click fucken this and click fucken that, and it brought into focus all the other heart-breaking click-here shite I have to deal with most of my fucking click-here life.

So it threw me.

And I lost my thread.

Now I can't remember what it was I had to say.

Hahaha on me.

Bye then.
x