The redleader guide to breakfast:

1) Open new recyclable packet and pour "top brand" organic muesli into bowl.

2) Prepape to drench with ice-cold milk.

3) Pause, puzzled, while pile of rolled oats, nuts and dried fruits from around the world strangely moves about, as if a tiny mole is burrowing upwards from within.

4) Stare wide-eyed as fucking great big MOTH struggles to free itself from health-giving grains.

5) Gasp in horror as unknown species of lepidoptera opens wings and barrels around the kitchen.

6) Vow never to eat hippy shit EVAH again.

7) Send stinking email to suppliers of moth-infested cereals threatening to burn them.

8) Never get over it.

Cheers.